honey bunches of taint.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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