had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
