At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
