Soap is not a condiment
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
