he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
