he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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