Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
