i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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