So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Bring me that man meat
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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