then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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