i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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