i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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