i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
is wine microwaveable?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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