3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
