I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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