we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
