who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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