I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Found your dick twin last night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
