jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
