his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
