You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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