Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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