okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
