i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
