I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
