I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
