I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Who died my cat blue again?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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