I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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