You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
