Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
