I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
