So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
