I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
