I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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