Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
