I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
