she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
