Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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