Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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