I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
