I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
