Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
