Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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