Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
