Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
