the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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