I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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