My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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