I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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