When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
