I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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